I love the outdoor community where I live. I spend a lot of time hiking or biking on trails and have found most of my fellow outdoor enthusiasts to be very friendly. When running into (not literally!) fellow enthusiasts, we often say “hello” and wish the other person a great bike ride, hike or run.
Then, I noticed a change…
With the anxiousness and fear of Covid (particularly at the beginning of the pandemic when we didn’t have us much information), things changed. We found ourselves masked up outdoors, consciously aware of how many feet apart we stood from the other person. (I’ve become quite skilled at bike riding while doing a one-handed neck gaiter pull up!)
Occasionally, I would run into people on the mountain trails, and they would quickly turn their backs, look down and not acknowledge my presence, silence… I get it. This pandemic can make us fearful of the unknown for sure and we were and are all trying to figure out our “safety bubble”.
Here's the interesting thing though…
I found my mind interpreting this type of body language as “unfriendly” and maybe even “rude”. Logically, I knew that these trail users’ behavior is correlated to the pandemic and fear of the unknown. Even so, I still felt myself being slightly offended... even with a hint of rejection thrown in!
What Gives?
Researchers estimate that about 55% of our communication is done through our body language. Body language is the range of nonverbal signals that you use to communicate your feelings and intentions. These include your posture, facial expressions, and hand gestures.
In Amy Cuddy’s book, Presence, she describes research experiments she and her Stanford colleagues carried out to look at the connection between your mind and body; specifically, centered around the impact of power posing. They found that power posing positively helped the subjects during and after stressful situations. Simply by posing in a powerful way (visualization of the pose worked as well) the subjects felt and think they are more confident and capable to engage in the challenging situation!
“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future.” Amy Cuddy
Try These Awareness Exercise
If you want to be more fully aware of the role body language plays in communication, then try one or both of these ideas:
1. Go to your favorite coffee shop or park and be an observer of people. Position yourself in a place far enough away that you can’t hear what they are saying. Pay close attention to their body language. Can you figure out the gist of the conversation? How is each person feeling about the conversation?
If the first idea seems a bit uncomfortable for you then try this next one:
2. As you are watching TV, select any show that has a story format. Mute the sound, and then use your observational skills to figure out what the characters are communicating to each other via their body language.
Take Action
Being more aware of what we are communicating through our body language is the first step.
Next, put this new awareness into action.
What is your next important event coming up?
A job interview? A crucial conversation you need to have? A negotiation? An uncomfortable talk with a significant other?
Of course, spend some time focusing on what you are going to say; that's important!
And also, spend just as much time (or more) focusing/practicing how you will use your body language to communicate your message.
How do you want to be perceived in the situation? Open, honest, trustworthy, confident, comfortable OR nervous, insecure, awkward, closed off, uncomfortable?
How do you want the other person to feel?
After the important event, make sure to evaluate how you did so that you can continue to grow in this area.
I'd love to know how being more aware of your body language in communication has benefited you in your personal or professional life!
Cuddy, Amy. Presence. New York. Little, Brown Spark. 2015
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