Have you noticed that teeter-totters (see-saws) are no longer found on playgrounds? As a kid, I had a love/hate relationship with teeter-totters. My emotional state see-sawed (playground humor) dependent upon two things: weight and trust.
Weight... do I weigh roughly the same as the person on the other end, or am I going to be stuck up in the air or on the ground?
Trust... how much do I trust the person on the opposite side to not let me slam into the ground? Or, fly off the top?
What is Trust?
Charles Feltman, the author of The Thin Book of Trust, defines TRUST as: “Choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”
On the opposing side, Feltman defines DISTRUST as: “What is important to me is not safe with this person in this situation (or any situation).”
Trust is a Choice
We are all making trust decisions throughout the days, weeks, months and years of our lives. To choose to trust is done on both a subconscious level (energy, emotions, the "vibe" you get from someone) as well as on a conscious level (self-awareness, logic, and thoughtfulness).
Trust is Not All or Nothing
Extending trust to someone else, is not all or nothing. You may trust someone in many aspects of the relationship, but not in one area. (Example: "Overall, I really trust _______ , but I can’t trust them to be on time.")
And, if trust has been broken in an area (maybe even repeatedly) it doesn’t mean that you will not be able to trust that person in that area ever again.
A person's acknowledgement of broken trust, a plan to make amends, and time can all help to change distrust back to trust. ("_________ realizes their lateness is impacting my trust of them to follow through. They apologized and created a plan/commitment to be more consistently punctual. Time will tell…")
Creating and Sustaining Trusting Relationships
There are four key elements of trust that Feldman identifies in his book. I find these elements very useful for assessing my trust levels in relationships. If I am feeling a bit of angst (i.e. distrust) in a professional or personal relationship, then I identify which key elements I sense distrust with. This gives me insight into which path forward I would like to create with the individual.
4 Key Elements of Trust
Care- You have the other person’s interests in mind as well as your own when you make decisions and take action.
Sincerity- You are honest, that you say what you mean and mean what you say; you can be believed and taken seriously.
Reliability- You meet the commitments you make, you keep your promises.
Competence- You have the ability to do what you are doing or propose to do.
These four key elements combine together for you to choose whether or not you can trust someone. You may trust someone in all four areas (high probability for a strong trust bond) or one or more areas need attention to grow trust (low-medium trust bond).
If you would like to build more trust in your workplace or home, I’ve provided a free worksheet: My Key Trust Relationships. I encourage you to use the free worksheet to gain insight into your trust level of key people in your life.
Also, Feltman’s Thin Book of Trust (it really is thin with only 79 pages!) I found to be a simple and clear guide to build trust in the workplace. I would highly recommend reading this book on your own or with your team.
TRUST… it’s a powerfully needed variable in your home, personal life, community AND your work. If you are wondering what type of culture (environment) you are creating, begin with trust!
Interested in coaching that will help you lead, achieve, and inspire? Contact Carol now for a complimentary 20-minute session.
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