Many years ago when I was teaching in schools, I recall a time after a weekly staff meeting that I talked with a colleague about what had transpired there. I can’t recall the topic, but I do recall listening to my colleague share and thinking, “Wait, I didn’t get that from the discussion at all. Were we even at the same meeting?” This was the first time that I fully realized that we truly do bring our own perspective, perception, and life experiences to every situation. Of course, I understood this intellectually, but I began to fully understand that I can be in the same environment or situation as someone and my perception of the experience can be completely different from theirs.
“Where you stand depends upon where you sit.”
I recently heard a speaker use this quote and found it very meaningful in explaining our perceptions and what is reality (what is "real" can look different for each of us!)
Intrigued by the quote, I delved into the source and found that the head of a U.S. government branch in the late 1940’s, Miles Rufus, first stated it in a speech. The business community picked up the phrase and named it “Miles’ Law”.
The Law simply summed up: We see things and form judgments of things from our own perspective. We need to discipline ourselves to see things from other’s vantage point.
More recently, this quote is attributed to former president of South Africa, anti-apartheid leader and author, Nelson Mandela.
In Stephen R. Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change he explains “Where we stand depends on where we sit" this way:
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms. When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them.”
“Where you stand depends upon where you sit.”
A phrase that is a good reminder for me, and perhaps you, to take a moment to step back in difficult situations or conversations to consider other perspectives.
Here are a few "Stepping back" ideas to try:
Stepping into Another Person’s Shoes: Try to see the situation or conflict from the other person’s perspective. Consider who you are talking to, know that they bring to the conversation different life experiences that have influenced their perspective on the situation. After all, they like you have views that were not formed in a vacuum.
Listen with Curiosity: Have an open and curious mindset during the conversation. Ask questions and truly listen to the answers. Listening with the intent to discredit or disprove the other person’s perspective only lends itself to you only listening for the points you are going to debate when it’s your turn to talk. And, after all is that really listening?
Agreement and Change of Mind: May not occur. That’s okay. The outcome may be that the person felt respected, heard and their opinion valued. The positive and accepting way you can make a person feel during a difficult conversation will most likely open the door to further conversations down the road.
What is your “go to” strategy during a difficult conversation or situation?
What are your thoughts on, “Where you stand depends upon where you sit”?
Interested in coaching that will help you lead, achieve, and inspire? Contact Carol now for a complimentary 20-minute session.
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